


Exile

by servantofclio



Series: Julian Shepard [12]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Angst, F/M, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-18
Updated: 2018-02-18
Packaged: 2019-03-20 14:26:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13719615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/servantofclio/pseuds/servantofclio
Summary: Tali's trial doesn't have the outcome anyone had hoped for.





	Exile

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, it does take a bit of work to get Tali exiled. The results make for angst and an interesting character arc, though.

“Does Captain Shepard have any new evidence to submit to this hearing?”

Shepard stood before the quarian admirals’ tribunal, sweat trickling down the back of his neck. They’d only barely returned from the carnage of the _Alarei_ , and his head was still whirling from what they’d seen there.

“Shepard…” Tali’s voice, though urgent, was barely audible.

The four admirals stared down at him. He couldn’t read their expressions at all. He couldn’t read anyone’s expression, even Tali’s, but at least he knew what Tali wanted him to do. For the rest, he could only feel the weight of their gazes. Not just of the judges, but of all the onlookers, nearly a hundred of them. They’d murmured among themselves when he, Tali, and Garrus came in, but now they sat silent, watching him.

Shepard swallowed, frantically searching for some better option than what Tali had asked him to do. She was the most loyal person he’d ever known. He hated the idea of her being cut off from her people through no fault of her own. It felt deeply, monstrously unfair. Silently, he cursed Rael’Zorah and his damned experiments.

Maybe there was some quirk of quarian law or culture that would have helped Tali, but if there was, he didn’t know it.

“Captain Shepard?”

“We found nothing on the _Alarei_ that we wish to submit as evidence,” he said finally. 

“Tali?” Admiral Gerrel asked.

Tali said, “I have nothing to say.”

The crowd started whispering again, a babble of noise that covered Tali’s sigh of relief. Shepard watched the admirals, holding his breath. He thought Admiral Xen’s eyes narrowed slightly. The others, he couldn’t read at all.

After a moment, Admiral Raan said, “Very well. Admirals, you may render your judgment.”

It didn’t take long. The three judges didn’t discuss, only punched their decision into the interface in front of them. The audience muttered among themselves while the admirals voted. Xen went first, quick and decisive;. Admiral Koris took a few seconds to ponder before making his choice. Admiral Gerrel hesitated longest, with a lingering look at Tali, before lowering his head and entering his decision as well.

Shala’Raan cleared her throat. “Tali’Zorah. You are hereby found guilty of treason against the quarian people and sentenced into exile.”

That was it, then. Shepard sighed, a heavy sense of failure clenching in his chest. He hadn’t expected any different, not with Tali begging him not to use the only defense they’d come up with.

“Shepard vas Normandy, the Fleet appreciates you taking the time to represent one of our people.”

“With all due respect, Admiral —” _Kiss my ass_ , he thought with a moment’s spite, remembering Ash’s Ash’s interpretation of that phrase. “I didn’t do it for one of your people. I did it for one of mine.”

At his elbow, Tali went still. A low-voiced reaction rippled through the nearest listeners. Shala’Raan blinked and then dipped her head. Han’Gerrel said, “So you did, Captain.”

As if someone had cut a bond tying them together, the crowd broke up, rising and separating into twos and threes and fours, speaking quietly together. Several of them stared at Tali as they departed.

“Well. That’s done,” Tali said quietly.

“Is there anything you want to do? Anyone you want to talk to?”

She shrugged, a tiny gesture. “Everything I need is on the _Normandy_. We can say goodbye, though.”

Shepard nodded, glancing briefly at Garrus, who had joined them but still hung back slightly. The three of them turned toward the outer rim of the spacious chamber. They’d only gone a few steps before an angry Shala’Raan planted herself in their path.

“Tali. What were you two _thinking_? Do you know how many favors I called in to get you onto the _Alarei?_ I wore holes in my suit for this chance, and you pissed it away!”

Shepard growled under his breath. She’d set all this up — withheld information from Tali, forced her to learn about her father’s death in public, manipulated her into assaulting the ship, where she could have been killed. Before he could muster a furious retort, though, Tali answered.

“I’m a big girl, Auntie Raan. You don’t need to protect me any longer.”

Shala’Raan sighed. Her anger seemed to dissipate in a flash, leaving her slumped. “No. That’s up to you now, Shepard. But remember, Tali, you may be gone from the Fleet, but you are not gone from our hearts. Keelah se’lai.”

“Keelah se’lai,” Tali murmured in return.

Shepard stood back while Tali made her farewells: to Admiral Gerrel, Veetor, and a few other friends Shepard didn’t know. She rejoined him in silence, holding her head held. As they made their way back to the dock, more than a few of the quarians they passed shied away from Tali, staring after her with what Shepard could only see as disapproving looks. Tali acted as if she didn’t notice, but Shepard did, and clenched his teeth to avoid snapping something at them.

“Tali.” Captain Kar’Danna waited for them near the airlock. He’d greeted them pleasantly enough when they entered, but his voice was thick with anger now. “I can’t believe you did all this.”

“It’s over now, Captain,” Tali said.

He shook his head in disgust. “The crew of the _Rayya_ expected better of you. Get off my ship.”

Tali stiffened and then nodded. She turned to the airlock without a word. Shepard followed her, useless anger coiling through his body. She didn’t deserve this. Tali, of all people, loyal and brave and generous to a fault, Tali who always put her crew and her people before herself, deserved better.

She entered the airlock with her chin high and stood there in quiet dignity while the lock cycled. Shepard, standing next to her, felt filthy with dried sweat and furious enough to spit.

He would have done anything, he realized, to keep her from having to carry this burden.

But withholding the evidence was the only thing she’d asked him to do.

#

This was how it was going to be for the rest of her life. Tali tested that thought out while she sat through the stiffest, most silent shuttle ride she’d ever experienced. For the rest of her life, other quarians would turn away from her, would recognize her name and what she’d done. Rael’Zorah’s daughter, turned traitor and exile. Rael’Zorah’s daughter, who’d endangered the fleet with her reckless actions. Quarians on their Pilgrimage would avoid her; even other exiles might sneer at her because of what they thought she’d done. She’d never again work on a crew of quarians, with all the efficiency and common understanding and jokes that only someone who’d grown up on the Migrant Fleet could know. She’d likely never see her friends on the Fleet again.

Tears swelled in the corners of her eyes, but it was easier to hold them back than she would have thought. She blinked and breathed slowly and evenly, registering the dull sting of a puncture in her side. The suit had self-sealed during the battle, but she’d have to do a more thorough repair and diagnostic once she returned to the _Normandy_. And check in with Ken and Gabby, and look at the results of the diagnostic she’d been running on the engine core. She brought up her suit’s internal display so she could add those tasks to her list. She’d probably be running a fever within a few hours, so she’d better write them down before she forgot.

At least she still had the _Normandy_ , and her friends there. Tali glanced uneasily across the shuttle at Shepard, who slouched in the opposite row of seats, his arms tightly folded, staring out the shuttle’s window. He’d been like that ever since they boarded. She hadn’t seen him so upset in… ages, really Not since the Council grounded them, back when they were chasing Saren. She hoped Shepard wasn’t too angry at her for wasting their efforts. He’d risked his own life to help her, after all, and the outcome was the same as if she hadn’t appeared for her hearing at all.

Next to her, Garrus shifted in his seat. His arm pressed against hers briefly, and she leaned into the touch gratefully. Even a little contact eased something tight and desperate in her soul.

Shepard had held her — twice, now, in the last few days. On the _Alarei_ , the hug had been a quick, tight pressure, soothing her as she leaned into the hard surface of his armor. Earlier, when she’d only just received the summons, it had been better, the warmth of his embrace radiating through her suit while she hugged him back. She’d felt as if she could have stayed there forever, totally encompassed. Tali’s cheeks grew warm with the guilty thrill of that sense-memory of how warm and solid and reassuring he’d felt.

She’d broken away before long, too cognizant of that guilty pleasure. Shepard didn’t seem to mind it,  but she didn’t want to take advantage of their friendship. It felt too selfish, when he surely didn’t feel about her the way she did about him.

She watched him, staring into space, his foot tapping out a tense rhythm against the deck.The prospect of him being angry with her made her throat tighten and her stomach churn. She had to find a way to clear the air.

When the shuttle finally docked with the _Normandy_ , and they all started to disembark, Tali seized her chance. “Can I talk to you for a moment, Shepard?”

Shepard paused. Garrus did too, glancing at both of them, and at a nod from Shepard, went ahead to the lift alone. “Sure, Tali,” Shepard said, taking off his helmet. “What do you need?”

Watching Shepard breathe in the unfiltered air of the shuttle bay, Tali felt a brief stab of envy. It gave way quickly to guilty embarrassment. His close-cropped hair was damp with sweat, and there was a shallow scrape across the side of his forehead as he watched her expectantly. Obviously he wanted to go clean up. Yet here she was, holding him up, after he’d risked his life for her and she’d thrown away what little they’d gained.

Flushing, she said, “I just wanted to, um. To thank you, again.”

Shepard shook his head sharply. “You don’t have to thank me, Tali.”

“Why not?” She clasped her hands together. “You risked your life for me, and you did what I asked you to.”

His face tightened. “And now you can’t go home,” he said, in such a tone of disgust that it dawned on Tali for the first time that he might not be angry at _her_.

She stopped breathing for a moment, her fingers winding tightly together. “I know.” Her voice came out steady, surprising even to herself.

Shepard sighed. He took off his gauntlet and ran a hand over his hair. “I don’t know how you’re being so calm about this.”

Tali said, “To tell you the truth, I’m a little surprised myself.”

Shepard blinked and then laughed, a little of his tension fading. Tali smiled, encouraged. “I know you didn’t agree about the evidence…”

Shepard shook his head. “I respected your decision, Tali, I just.” He heaved a sigh. “I hate thinking of you cut off from your people like this.”

Tali swallowed. “I just couldn’t let that happen to my father. To his memory. He’d be a criminal, struck from the rolls of every ship he ever served on. What that would do to the Fleet… I couldn’t, Shepard.”

“So it’s better that you pay the price instead?”

“Yes,” she answered, without hesitating. She didn’t matter nearly so much. She wasn’t a Fleet hero. “Wouldn’t you do the same, for your… for your mother?”

#

At Tali’s question, Shepard stiffened. His mothers had taught him about responsibility all his life, by living it. One of his earliest memories was of looking up at Hannah Shepard, looming tall in her uniform. She’d always done her own duty with efficiency and responsibility. And Rae, if Rae made a mistake, she didn’t stop until she fixed it, swearing a blue streak all the way. It was nothing like what they’d seen on the _Alarei_. “My moms… wouldn’t have expected me to answer for their mistakes.”

The words came out before he thought them through. Tali looked down, her shoulders hunching, and Shepard cursed himself. Shit. Whatever he thought of Rael’Zorah, the man was still Tali’s father, and she’d just lost him.

“Maybe it’s different, then,” she said quietly.

“I’m sorry, Tali,” he said quickly, wishing he could fix this somehow. He should have kept quiet, but no, he had to open his big mouth and dump some more pain into what she’d already gone through that day. “I shouldn’t have —”

“I mean, it’s true, he did… what he did,” she said, still quietly, almost as if she was talking to herself instead of him. “So maybe he deserves to be punished. I don’t know. But I couldn’t, Shepard.” She looked up at him again, her eyes bright through her smoky faceplate. “I couldn’t see that happen to his name. His reputation. People can think whatever they want about me. I can take it.”

She sounded calm, matter-of-fact. She took so much on herself, always. Shepard shook his head, helpless in admiration. “Okay, Tali. If that’s what you want.”

“It is.” Her hands twisted together. “That’s why I wanted to thank you. I knew it made you upset, so…”

“I’m not mad at you, Tali,” he said quickly.

“You’re not?” She tilted her head.

“No. I…” Shepard sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. His shoulder ached, dully. He rolled it, trying to work out the tension. “I’m mad at how your aunt set you up. I’m mad that you didn’t have a real advocate. Any quarian could have represented you better than me, but they didn’t let that happen.”

To his surprise, she reached out and clasped his arm, her long fingers circling around his wrist. “Oh, Shepard, you did everything you could. I’m glad it was you.”

“Really?” he asked, dubious.

Tali laughed, a shaky little sound. “Well, for one thing, no one else would have stormed the _Alarei_ with me.”

Shepard snorted. “Garrus probably would have.”

“That’s probably true, but I mean it.” Her grip tightened. “You risked yourself without question, for something that only mattered to me.”

“Tali, I’d do anything if I could help you,” he blurted. His face grew hot. That was a little too nakedly honest. He hadn’t meant to say that, either, he’d just gotten too tired and frustrated to choose his words carefully.

“Oh,” Tali said in a small voice. “I… thank you. It meant a lot to me, what you said.”

Shepard had to take a moment to think back to what he’d said. “Well. Um. I’m glad. I mean, I meant it. You’ll always have a place on my crew, Tali, as long as you want it.”

“That’s… that’s good to know.” Her voice caught for a second, and she let go of his arm, tugging on the edge of her hood. “I wanted to say how much I appreciate that you let me choose. You honored my choice, even though you didn’t agree. So. I think maybe that’s why I’m not… falling apart right now.”

Shepard took a breath and nodded, trying to let go of the nagging sense of failure. Tali was right, she was the one who’d chosen to withhold the evidence. If that sense of control comforted her, he was glad he hadn’t overruled her.  “I think you’ve been a lot braver than I’d be.”

Tali laughed. “Oh, I doubt that, but… thank you.”

They started heading toward the elevator. Shepard hit the controls and then hesitated. “Can I say one more thing, Tali?”

“Of course.” She tilted her head toward him, her eyes bright.

“I’m not sure the Fleet deserves you.”

She laughed harder. “Mm, I don’t know about that, either.”

Shepard smiled, relieved to have lightened the mood even a little. The doors opened and they stepped in. Tali looked more relaxed, at least, so he counted that a victory. “Miss Tali’Zorah vas Normandy,” he said. With all the work she’d put into this ship, the new name felt appropriate, at least. “What now?”

“Mm. I can tell you one thing: I’ll wear that ship name with pride. But rest first, I tihnk,” she said. “And last time I checked, we had a very important mission.”

“That’s true.” He glanced sideways at her, looking for any signs of injury. “You’re holding up okay?”

Her hand drifted to her side. “I’ll be fine, Shepard. Nothing some rest and nutrients won’t handle.”

He could use some sleep and food himself. And a shower. On impulse, he reached out and squeezed her shoulder. “Take care of yourself. The _Normandy_ needs her chief engineer sharp.”

“And her captain,” Tali said, her voice warm.

“I’m fine, don’t worry about me.” He let go of her shoulder.

Tali looked him over and said archly, “Somebody has to, after this, and all that fighting on Tuchanka a few days ago.”

“I’m fine,” Shepard repeated. He felt tired and drained and a little sore, nothing worse. Thanks to Cerberus, his body recovered faster than it used to. He still hadn’t worked out how he felt about that, but it had its uses.

Tali said, “Hmm,” but she let the matter go.

Tali really didn’t need to worry about him, but the idea that she might made Shepard feel warm and fond. They rode the rest of the way in companionable silence.

The Fleet might not deserve Tali’s loyalty, but hell, Shepard didn’t, either. Maybe only the _Normandy_ did.


End file.
